Trying To Get Back In The Swing Of Things

As I returned from my weekend trip in my rented Cadillac DTS which is quite the upgrade from my 99 Ford Escort ZX2, I am trying to catch up on everything when this caught my eye from the Conservative slanted political satire site, The Nose On your Face. Its one of there top 9 lists, this one is called "9 Statements that Would Make Ted kennedy Cry" and here it is:

Ted Kennedy and some of his colleagues have come under fire for their behavior during the recent Senate Judiciary Committee hearings on Judge Samuel Alito. Insiders tell us that some of Senator Kennedy's statements were so over the top that at one point, Mrs. Alito burst into tears.

This caused us to wonder, what manner of comment is so strong, so offensive that it would drive someone to tears?

In Senator Kennedy's case we believe the following statements could do just that:

9. "NBC news is reporting tonight that there has been a major spill at the Dewar's bottling plant."

8. "I have some unbelievable news dear! Splash has developed the ability to speak! Now he can talk to us about all of those adventures you two have gone on. Isn't this wonderful?"

7. "Senator, I know that you don't normally take visitors this late in the evening, but there are several associates of Judge Alito here and they are quite enthusiastic about speaking with you."

6. "A four-way? Yeah, keep dreaming 'little' brother. Bobby, Jack you fellas ready to go?"- Marilyn Monroe

5. "And in other news, Massachusetts has passed a law making it a dry state."

4. "Honey, remember how concerned you were about the horrendous treatment minorities were receivng after Katrina? Well, I've invited a few hundred real live negro families to stay with us for awhile. You know, just til they get on their feet."

3. "I'm sorry Mr. Kennedy, but this particular strain is resistant to pennicillin."

2. "Last call!"

1. "Senator, there's a woman claiming to be the ghost of a Mary Jo something or other here to see you."

Funny stuff, just realize its mostly made up now...